Blah blah blah, I know everyone on my list/journal is dead and on to Facebook (some of you are my friends there at least), but I just needed to write again. It's been a pretty long while since I have, and I've really been meaning to, I just haven't had much time/energy/will to do so. I'm here now, though. And 21 years old.
Where do I even begin? I'm struggling. I'm in the middle of changing jobs in hope for higher pay because I have about $900 on my credit card that needs to be paid off. Thankfully, I'll be taking care of that soon with my school refund. Still, finances have been pretty tight, and it's made me so stressed and sick. I've been sick for the past two months with a cough and itchy throat that just won't go away. Hopefully it's just allergies, and hopefully they get the fuck out of dodge in time for my new job as front desk at a spa at the gym I work at now.
I haven't gone to class yet. I don't know why I'm so unmotivated to go. It's like I dread taking that first step and actually walking inside of my classroom and spending my entire day there. Although, that doesn't make sense, because I wouldn't be doing anything productive at home anyway. I need to get my ass in gear. I can't fail a class this semester. It just isn't an option. I need to go to a university already and get out of school before I go crazy. Well, crazier than I've already become.
I've done a lot of weird things. When I say weird, I just mean things I never thought I'd do. I met a guy off a website, hooked up with him that night, and had a pseudo relationship that just ended badly after two months. When I think about it, I have to take a second to actually believe it all over again. Also, I've had some encounters with certain substances that I swore I'd never do. Thankfully, it was only a one time deal that will more than likely never happen again.
My heart's pretty weak. Not literally, but in a sad teenager fresh out of high school kind of way. I broke up with my long distance boyfriend of a year and a half for a guy I had higher hopes for in person. I miss him so much. Even though I miss him, I feel like I owe it to myself to give in to the opportunity of being happy on my own. Especially this year, with my work and school load. I'd just like to take this year to focus and really work on myself and my bad habits. My best friend leaves this year, and I don't know what I'm going to do with myself when she leaves. It's just going to be a heavy year, and I'm just going to have to get through it.
Other than that, I'm probably going to have my wisdom teeth taken out, which I'm stoked for.